Little Man Tate's Birth Story

Before I share my birth story I need to start a little bit earlier.  This is baby number 6 for Deloy and I.  We are often asked "How many are you going to have" or "is this the last one".  In reality we have never said we are going to have "x" amount.  When Deloy and I were dating I wanted 2.  After I had Mathew I said I would have as many as Deloy wanted but I wouldn't have any more after I turned 30.  I think it's safe to say don't pay attention to what I say because I sure haven't.  I have more than 2 and this August I will be 30.

Getting to this number 6 has been more awakening however.  It gave me the chance to cherish this pregnancy because who knows 6 might be our lucky number.   Maybe after a year I might say, "you know what sweet heart I'm done changing diapers".  Or maybe Deloy will tell me he's done being "hop on pop".  Or maybe in a couple yrs we might realize that our family isn't complete.  Either way I entered this pregnancy prepared to enjoy and be aware of every kick I felt.

I think with that mindset and with the fact that I teach HypnoBirthing I was extremely aware of every change my body experienced.  I am extremely thankful that I know my body and know what it is capable of and when something just doesn't feel "right".

Early on I just didn't feel like my baby was lying in the "right" position.  I know babies move all the time and they can even turn moments before birth but it seemed like my baby was sort of stuck.  I kept telling Deloy "He's so low". "None of our babies have been this low".  At first I attributed it to having so many kids and everything must be sagging.  In a way I was right.  I had some heavy bleeding one night and went into the hospital and after they did a ultra sound they found he was transverse. The nurse said most likely he was trying to change his position and hence the bleeding scare.  Later on my Dr was able to turn him with the warning he could turn back.  Tate is smart and didn't turn back.

Dec. came and I started having my normal surges weeks before my "guess date".  No problem, that happens with all my babies.  My body just warms up that way.  Deloy's family flew in on the 18th and my home was packed.  It was a sort of joke yet sort of reality that I could have my baby while they were here.  The closest any of my children have come to their due date was 10 days early. That was Mathew and he weighed 10lbs 9ounces and was 23 inches long. Since then I have been thankful that my babies come early.  The rest come anywhere between 2-3 weeks early.  My guess date was January 16th..  While Jason's family was here the surges kept coming and all was well yet I could tell things were changing.

1. He was so low that the week before they came I had a ultra sound and they couldn't get a glimpse of his face because it was hidden under my pubic bone.

2. He was so low they couldn't get his heart beat without putting the stethoscope on my pubic bone.

3.I was already dialted to a 4 and a 1/2 and 70% effaced (yes, yes I know they are just numbers)

I do teach my moms that "baby comes when baby is ready" and I truly believe that.  However, in the past my babies tend to just fall out when baby is ready. I had been having crazy dreams that my baby would come A) in the car. B) while Deloy was back at Law School. C) while we were at Disney World while a parade was going on and we were stuck in the Magic Kingdom that made it soooo not magic any more. and D) While I was home alone and my 3 year old was having to watch the 2 year old while I birthed in my tub.  Because of that I was on extra alert with my mommy senses.  

Dec. 26th came and my surges were getting stronger and longer. I jumped in the shower to put heat on my back.  This time around I had so much labor in my back.  The heat from the water did wonders.  Deloy came into the bathroom and said that we should just go to the hospital.  At that point I agreed.  I knew I wasn't quite there yet but I felt better to be safe than sorry.  Yes, I teach HypnoBirthing and yes I birthed at a hospital.  For some reason a lot of people thought I would be birthing at home in my tub.  I am 100% for home births. I am 100% for water births.  I am for empowered, births!  I felt more empowered at a hospital.

We got to the hospital picked up the phone to let us in to the birthing floor and the nurses happily took me to "see" if I truly was in labor.  We chatted, they made their comments on my many children and I gave off my usual jokes about having so many.  They called my Dr. when they saw that my surges were 2-3 minutes apart.  Found out I was GBS+ and I agreed to the anitbiotic.  This was around 1:00 p.m.

I LOVED my nurses.  They were completely supportive of my natural birth.  I had warned them that I usually  go really fast.  I put on my headphones told Deloy I was tuning out to my HypnoBirthing cd and we better finalize our hair color name list.  Some time later after I dozed off the nurses came back in asked if I wanted to move around.  I asked for a birthing ball.  I was still having surges but things just were not happening like they normally did.  I chatted, bounced,  rocked and happily swayed away.  Deloy was great .  He was calm, affectionate, hugged and kissed me and I loved everything he was and is to me.  

I go to a practice of Dr's and I see the nurse mid wife who I love!!!!!!!!!!  I could not praise her enough.  2 of the other Dr's are wonderful as well.  I would trust any of those 3.  Then there is the 4th........  The words I have for him are unkind and since my family reads this lets just say this Dr. Edwards is a pathetic joke of a Dr.  I have never delivered with my Dr and this birth was no different.  Dr. Edwards came in and thankfully Deloy knows and trusts me and could tell I wanted nothing to do with Dr. Edwards.  It was nice seeing his protective shield go up ready to protect.  Luckily for me the nurses didn't like him either and it could be me but I think they did a good job keeping him out of the room until after I had Tate.

After Dr. Edwards left I stopped using the birthing ball.  By then I was having a lot of pressure on my back.  I haven't been one to have pressure in my back so I opted to get back in the bed.  I thought things would be moving faster or that I would be holding our little one by then but things just were not progressing.  It didn't worry me but I was aware by how my body felt that Tate was just not coming down the way he should have been. I told my nurse I was fine but it just didn't feel like he was coming down.  My nurse asked if she could check me to "check" what was going on in there.  I agreed and after some thorough checking she smiled said things were fine with one of those faces that really means "I think there is something amiss".  She excused herself but quickly came back with an older nurse.  She explained that Tate was Posterior. She had brought the older nurse because my nurse knew how to recognize a posterior baby and recommend it for C-Section but didn't quite know how to help me have my natural birth.  The older nurse was known for "rocking" her babies out.

She adjusted the bed here and there and I got onto my hands and knees and rocked forward and backward to get that baby to turn.  Turn he did and I felt immediate relief in my back.  It made my surges stronger and closer together and I knew I was back in business.  A little while later though the pressure was back and Tate had moved back.  The surges were coming on fast and strong but I could tell he just wasn't where he needed to be.  I wanted Deloy behind me in the bed so I could lay back on him and my back would be able to relax with his body heat but..... at that point I could not speak a word.  In my past labors my favorite part of labor is to hear Deloy crack jokes.  They make me laugh and relax.  I love to see him dance around to keep my mind off the task at hand.  Yet this labor needed every ounce of concentration I had.  Deloy went to crack his jokes and I just couldn't have it. I had to firmly ask him to stop and it made me sad.  Sad, that I couldn't enjoy that favorite time with him.  Sad, that I couldn't say more or explain myself.  I even had my eyes closed at this point.  I needed to work with Tate and my body.  Deloy being the amazing person he is didn't get offended, mad or pouty.  He did exactly what I needed him to.  He stayed and held onto me.  At first he tried saying comforting things which I appreciated but whether it was out of not knowing what to do or knowing that he needed to give me a stern pep talk he started saying things that he heard while wrestling.  He gave me commands and it was exactly what I needed.

At this time I started feeling "pushy" so I asked for the nurse to come back.  She checked me and said I was to an 8 which just did not feel right.  She left and I clung to Deloy and about 3-5 min later I really grabbed Deloy and told him to call the nurse.  He quickly ran to the other side of the bed to call her but it was to late.  I saw that my door was open and screamed (yes screamed. I can still hear it in my mind and my scream sounded like a mad woman) "He's coming"  Granted I've never delivered a Posterior baby but it was more work.  Usually my babies are out in seconds.  The nurses heard my crazy woman scream and came running in to find Tate already onto the bed.

Dr. Edwards came in to cut the umbilical cord and went to cut it right away.  I had requested delayed cord clamping.  Deloy saw that he was about to clamp and cut and told him that I wanted to do delayed cord clamping.  Dr. Edwards. sat back let out this childish temper tantrum sigh and told us there was no benefits to delayed cord clamping and that it was ridiculous   I wish I could have seen my face because Deloy said that he has never seen me so mad and that he didn't know if I was going to start screaming, crying or both.  That, is when my protector stepped in and told this pathetic Dr. that he better listen to his wife and show me some respect.  After that Dr. Edwards tried being kinder but he had already been dismissed in my book and I was happily snuggling my baby.

I love holding onto my babies.  For me, when I get the opportunity to embrace my baby for the first time it's not a "why hello" feeling. It's a "there you are" feeling.  It's having something given to me that completes me in a way that I did not know I had been missing.  I saw Tate and immediately saw Deloy.  All my children look like Deloy.  They all look Casperson.  It's a good thing I find Deloy so attractive : ).  My parents, Lori, Risa and my children were soon by my side.  They were beyond excited.  They ooohed and ahhhed.  My favorite was Stockton.  He was carried in to see the baby and he had a confused look on his face when he saw Tate.  Tate was holding so still he looked like a baby doll.  Then Tate moved and Stockton jumped in surprise realizing that Tate was real.  Stockton does not like to share Tate.  Stockton is his protector.  When any of the children are holding Tate Stockton comes and stands besides them and stares them down until they pass him back to me.

Ohhhh I love my little family.  I love our quirks.  I love the happy chaos in our home. I love the many "Good nights" given at the end of every day.  I love listening to the little grunts and cry's Tate makes. I love this opportunity that I have been given to be a mother.  Being a Mother has been the best dream come true.  It was a dream that I never knew I had nor did I think I would be remotely good at it.  I am though, and I'm forever thankful for it!.

I read a quote once saying that when you choose to be a mother you choose to have your heart walking  around on the outside of your body.  I thought it was cheesy but now completely understand it.

Trying on outfits! : )

Words are not adequate enough to describe how much I love my husband!

He has my heart.

Moments after birth

Tate's protectors

Loving every minute of our new little one

Our family

Happy Brothers

Soooo, excited.  I love Stocktons expression in the corner. "Give me my baby"

happiness

Here I am dilated to a 7.

Erin's Birth Story

First off a huge thanks to Cassie and to HypnoBirthing! I knew I wanted a wonderful Birth but I never realized how wonderful it was going to be!

Everyone thought I was crazy for doing HypnoBirthing. It was like friends and family thought it was their duty to tell me how labor "really" was. I just didn't understand how come I couldn't birth the way I wanted too without everyone else's input. I had a friend tell me that she had heard that HypnoBirthing really worked for natural births. I spent nights researching and poor Tim got an earful of everything I learned. He was a trooper and supported whatever I felt was best.

We contacted Cassie and started the classes. To say I loved them is an understatement. They were GREAT! Not only did we learn alot about birth, Tim and I learned how to communicate on a whole different level. My favorite was when Cassie passed out cards for us to keep that reminded us ways to say no and avoid intervention at the Hospital. She asked Tim to practice in front of her and even though it made me laugh really hard it comforted me to know he would really do that. I, on the other hand practiced the techniques every day like my life depended on it. At the time I wasn't willing to admit that I practiced all the time because I really was afraid that my friends and family were right. Right, that labor hurt. Right, that it is best and normal to have an epidural. Right, that I was weird for not wanting one and for so many other reasons.

Well, May 16th came and it was like any other day. I ran errands, took a nap, Met Tim for lunch and cleaned the house. I had been having practice labor for a couple weeks and thought nothing of the small surges that I was having throughout the day. Most of the time I didn't notice them unless I was sitting doing nothing. Tim got home from work and we settled in watching a movie. During that time I noticed that my surges were still there and I just couldn't get comfortable. Tim started timing them while doing some light touch massage. I just nestled my head on his lap and found my spot within. The end of the movie came and the surges were about 8-10 min apart. I told Tim to go get some sleep while I tried to relax on the couch. That was around 9:00 I kept falling in and out of sleep when I woke up with a start. I didn't know if I had dreamed a really big surge or if I really had a big surge. I looked at my phone and started timing again. This time they were much stronger and they were about 3-5 min apart. I really needed to concentrate! I then went and woke Tim up and told him I would feel better if we could go to the hospital (there was still fear in me).

The drive was calm and uneventful. We were both excited. We got to the hospital and went to the baby floor. I called on the phone to have them let us in. When the nurse came and opened the doors and I told her I was in labor. She gave me this smirky smile and asked if this was my first baby. I replied yes and she told me they would check me but don't be disappointed if it's a false alarm. You're very calm for being in labor. I was so mad! I wanted to say something mean. Tim not thinking anything about what this nurse was implying let her know "oh she's doing HypnoBirthing and that's why she's so calm". The nurse gave him another smirky smile and said "ok, well we'll just check and see".

Once I was changed and hooked up to the monitors the nurse came in to check how dialted I was. I told her how I didn't want to be checked anymore after that and if I could just have occasional monitoring. The nurse on the other hand told us how important it was that they continually check me and that I shouldn't be embarressed when I get to a point that I want an epidural. I was fuming. I looked at Tim and he just looked sad/shocked. The nurse did her check and was suprised to see me dialted to a 6. HA take that! I wanted to say. She then smiled and said "well looks like you'll be having a baby soon" and "I'll let your Doctor know". Then my knight in shining armor really cemented himself into my heart. As she went to leave the room Tim said " Will you also request another nurse that will support our Natural Birth". I wanted to clap I was so excited! The nurse was suprised and said they all supported natural childbirth. My Tim calmly said "That's great but we want someone that supports it to the extent that we do". If I wasn't strapped to the monitor I would have jumped and danced all around my bed. He then just calmly turned back around to me and took my hand not needing to say another word to that smirky nurse.

I wish I remembered her name but another nurse came in and she was heavenly! She unhooked the monitors. Brought in a birthing ball. Talked about all the positions I could try and was just there for whatever I wanted to do. Thank you heavenly nurse! My Doctor came in said his hello's. He too wanted to check me and I politely declined because it had only been a half hour since my last check. He was fine with that and has always had the stance that he's fine with whatever I do. He's just there to catch the baby and make sure everything is ok.

I was able to lay down for the next hour and rest. After that the surges really started coming one on top of another. I have never had to focus so hard. Tim would try to talk to me and I just couldn't talk. I had to focus on my relaxation. Tim said that at one point he started asking me what he could do to help when the nurse stopped him and told him that I was focused within and it would be best to leave me alone until I started to vocalize. I'm not a screamer or a loud person I like to keep to myself. Cassie had shared in class a friends birth and how she had found her birth song. I thought it was pretty and I liked how it worked for her but I just never pictured myself making a peep. Well I did make noise and it felt like I couldn't help it. I needed to make noise to help my body. I tried a few things I had learned in class but when it came down to it I needed to find my birth song. The nurse was fantastic in helping me find it and making the sound with me to show me how to really control my "song". By then the Doctor was there telling me that it looked like I was almost there and he would feel better checking me. At that point I didn't care and said ok. He went to check me and didn't even need to. I was there. It was such an intense feeling. However, it wasn't anything that my friends and family described. It was completely do-able and I was in control. It was intense and I felt strong. My Doctor told me to push on the next surge and sweet Tim said "She's not supposed to push" (I LOVE my husband!!!!). I'm sure my Doctor looked at him like he was crazy. Then my song turned more into a bellow and Adelle started coming out. About 5 minutes later and our life was changed forever!

Yes, I have never had a medicated birth and all I can say is it wasn't for me. Was it intense where I had to focus like I had never had to focus before? Yes. It was so worth it. My birth was wonderful and I can't wait till next time so I can do it even better!!!!!!

Maggie Jane

The birth of Maggie Jane

It's been three weeks since you came. Three weeks full of yawns and cuddles and shuffling around the house half blissed-out, half delirious. Any coherent thoughts that form rise and then burst like bubbles just before I can get them out of my mouth. Sleep deprivation is in full swing. It's the reason I washed Stella's Cinderella dress with our towels and now we all look like we've been glitter-bombed after we dry off. And the reason I walk around and forget where I'm going and why. And how I managed to misplace no less than ten things before noon today. But girl, you have been so worth it. Your silly faces are sweeter than sleep. And somehow the memory of your birth has remained unscathed in my postpartum fog brain. It was a day I hope I will never forget as long as I live. 

My eyes shot open around 5:30am. I felt different in my body somehow. Like something had shifted. Like something was starting. And then I felt that first contraction. It was unmistakable. A feeling that I had forgotten about but remembered as soon as I felt it again. I laid so still, heart pumping fast, instantly energized thinking please let this be it. PLEASE LET THIS BE IT. Not only was I so excited to meet you but you were getting so heavy and strong and I was ready to get you out of my belly. (That is a gross understatement. I think I could write a book on submitting to the Lord's will and timing after surviving those last few weeks of pregnancy. They were not very fun. Not very fun, ha. Understatement.) 

I watched the sky go from black to orange behind the blinds. I let an hour pass and six or seven good contractions before I sat up and woke your daddy saying, PRAISE THE LORD! I'M FINALLY IN LABOR! We spent the next hour in bed giggling like little school girls all wrapped up in blankets guessing how long this was going to take, and if you were going to look like me or him, and if you'd be a girl or a boy like we were all convinced of. (Right now as I type this you are laying on a pillow in my lap wearing pajamas that say "mommy's little man"...if that tells you how convinced I was. Sorry about that. And about the pajamas. Everything else is dirty and hey, you can't read yet.) 

When Stella woke up we went downstairs and made waffles with strawberries and whipped cream, a favorite around here. We didn't want her to know that today was the day (anxiety makes her wet her pants and get clingy) which wasn't hard to conceal because I wasn't in very much pain. The contractions were starting to get closer together though so I snuck upstairs to make some phone calls. First I called Diane the midwife whose excitement made me feel giddy all over again. She said to call her back when they were coming every 3 - 4 minutes and lasting at least 45 seconds. Then I called Aunt Erin who had offered to come and pick Stella up when I went into labor. She said she'd be there around 10 to take her on a little play date with all of the cousins. Then I called NE and papa to tell them the good news. NE was sick with the flu and showed up a little bit later sporting a surgical mask. She said she wouldn't miss it for the world and I felt so much safer having her here. Papa was really nervous about us having you at home instead of at the hospital, but he came over too to show us support and to help your dad give me a Priesthood blessing. Your dad was cool as a cucumber and gave us a very Spirit-filled blessing of comfort and protection. I felt so much peace. Not an ounce of fear. Which was an answer to my many, many repeated prayers.

Once Erin and Stella were gone we got to work washing the sheets and getting the bed ready. First our good sheets, then a waterproof cover, then the cheap sheets. We cleaned up the dishes and got in the shower. Whenever a contraction would come I would yell "START!" and your daddy would time it using an app on his phone. They were about a minute long now and coming every three minutes. I got out of the shower and called Diane again. She said she'd leave right away and I remember thinking,  I hope she takes her time, because even though the contractions were long and frequent they didn't hurt as much as I'd remembered. 

Diane showed up around 12:30 with Shannon, her nurse, and Michaela, the midwife-in-training. They got to work setting up equipment, checking heart-rates, blood pressure, temperature, and checking my progress - 7cm at that point. Everyone (including me) seemed surprised that I was that far along and still feeling so good. When I was 7cm in labor with Stella I was huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf. This was going so much more smoothly already. 

It was a cold, windy afternoon and your dad made a fire downstairs for us to lounge around while we ate lunch. My water hadn't broken yet so I was kneeling on some folded up towels, just in case. I had my back to the fire and NE was holding hot washcloths dipped in lavender oil on my lower back, which felt like heaven. We all talked and ate and told stories and laughed. I was starting to feel things intensifying so we decided to move the party upstairs. The sun was coming through the back windows of the bedroom casting large, rectangular patches of light onto the floor. I picked a sunny spot near the window and dug my toes into the warm carpet. I held onto the side of the crib and swayed my hips back and forth during each contraction, trying to relax myself completely. First my forehead and jaw, then my neck and shoulders, then my chest and arms, and finally my lower belly and hips. I could feel myself tensing up in response to the pain, but as I consciously released my muscles I felt the most incredible surges of endorphins swimming through my body. It became so intoxicating. I found myself wanting more contractions because I knew they'd be followed by another wave of endorphins. I watched the sunlight through my eyelids and swayed back and forth and smiled. 

I couldn't tell you how long I stayed like that, but at some point Diane asked if I wanted to be checked again. I did, and climbed onto the bed. She said I was 10cm and 100% effaced. My water still hadn't broken, but she asked if I wanted to try to push you out. I said, sure, I guess. This was new for me. The last time I went through this, my body pushed the baby out all on its own. The only way I can describe it is a "reverse vomit" where it felt like all of my muscles pushed downward violently at the same time and I couldn't have stopped them if I tried. But this time I was laying on my back and when a contraction came I would push as hard as I could. I could feel you coming down as I did, but as soon as the contraction was over I could feel you get sucked back up into my belly. I kept at it for a while and started to get really tired. I decided to have Diane break my water so we could get this show on the road. She did, and immediately I felt that crazy urge to reverse vomit. I flipped over onto my hands and knees and holding your daddy's hands really tight I let my body take over. And when I say take over, I mean TAKE OVER. The sounds that came out of my mouth were akin to a wild jungle animal. Maybe like a lion roaring as he rips into a gazelle, or something. It was completely involuntary and hilarious and if I wasn't otherwise occupied I think I would have stopped to have a good fat laugh.  Every contraction made my body squeeze you out a little further, like a tube of toothpaste. After a few pushes I heard Diane say, "one more and your baby will be here!" I waited what seemed like an hour for the next contraction to come and felt you slide right out. That feeling! It is the mother of all sweet relief! I wanted to collapse into the pillows and cry for joy. But before I could they passed you like a little football right up through my legs and I was staring down at your tiny face while you cried and cried and cried. Your daddy pressed his forehead against mine and said, "IT'S A GIRL!" and I said, "NO. WAY." and we laughed and cried and laughed some more. 

You were here. Maggie Jane.